IT TAKES TWO

When you think of perfect pairings you might think of Homer and Marge or strawberries and cream — they just look right together. Elisa Portelli and John Hammond are nothing like this. But read on.

She the dominatrix auctioneer, he the cheeky assistant. They're the TV pairing that should never have been allowed to happen, but happen they did. This catastrophe of twinning is so bad... it's good.

Probably the best double-act to be seen anywhere these days (Des and Mel anyone?), who knows what freak of nature or act of God threw these two together. It works and someone at the station knows it as they end up on the air together with uncanny frequency. She gives him plenty of stick and he replies in kind.

They're also getting saucier by the day. “That's a big one,” Elisa says to John as he approaches with a chunky gold curb chain. (Regular viewers know that at most of the world's curb chains are sold through bid-up.tv.)

Oh, and watch John modelling sunglasses and see if you can keep a straight face as long as he can.